Salams.

HIKMAH....

What is hikmah?

It literally means wisdom. Which I think would provide purification to all aspects of our lives.

When I was down after went through twice miscarriage events, my husband and family members helped me to bring back my strength. My husband and I almost everyday bermuhasabah. I know it sounds a bit pressure to discuss the same thing plus it was a tragic events. But muhasabah really helped us to accept our lost.

Through our muhasabah sessions, we figured out some eh wait... a lot to be exact... a lot of hikmah.

The following are the hikmahs that still fresh in my mind:

1) Lost means Allah SWT loves our babies more than us.

2) When Allah SWT take back something means He wanted to give something that worth more than before.

3) Lost teaches us that everything beyond our control. How good we are to protect something that we think ours do not guarantee anything.

4) All around us, even the universe even this dunya all I mean ALL belong to Allah SWT.

5) Lost does not mean that our life or our world stops.

6) Lost is a test from Allah SWT. He wanted to test us. He wanted us to turn back to HIM.

7) Lost which is a type of test means greater love from Allah SWT. He misses our dependency towards HIM. Muslims always believe "ujian itu tanda Allah SWT sayang..."

8) Maybe my husband and I do not fully ready to have our own child. Only Allah SWT knows our limit.

9) Maybe my husband and I are not the best parents at that moment to our previous children. That is why Allah SWT ambil balik bayi kami.

10) Among all: satu hikmah yang buat aku sebak setiap kali kenang anak-anak kami. Mungkin anak-anak kami tidak kuat untuk hadapi dunia. Kita sedia maklum dunia sekarang. Mungkin saja mereka minta dengan Allah agar mereka kekal di dalam syurga Allah SWT. *taip poin ini pun airmata memang tidak tertahan*

Walau apa pun, kami suami isteri bersyukur kerana antara orang yang terpilih untuk menghadapi kehilangan ini. Dalam gembira menanti anak yang aku kandungkan sekarang ini (semoga sentiasa dalam lindungan Allah SWT), selalu terdetik di hati mengenangkan anak-anak yang kembali pada Allah SWT. Aku tahu aku jahil, dalam kejahilan aku minta ihsan dan belas kasihan Allah SWT agar di dunia satu lagi nanti kami dipertemukan dengan zuriat kami. Aku minta dengan dengan Allah sampaikan salam rindu salam kasih sayang buat mereka dari ibu yang sempat mengandungkan mereka walau sekejap. Hati ibu kan... sekalipun tidak pernah berjumpa kasihnya ibu tidak terungkap....

p/s: Masih segar first pregnancy suami sempat bancuhkan susu coklat untuk aku dan baby walaupun waktu itu bleeding. kuatnya kau wahai suami. Tenangkan isteri yang menangis sambil minum susu.

Second pregnancy pula tabahnya kau suami ukir senyuman redha tatkala doktor informed bayi kita sudah tiada.

After all, those things make us strong than before.

Terima kasih Allah :')

Yours truly,

Neeja.